The Batifol Swine
Chapter One
“Leonard Atherton?”
Leonard looked up from his crossword.
“Ah, yes,” he said recognising her and quickly coming to his feet, “you must be Fiona?”
“I am,” she said smiling, “it’s lovely to meet you.”
“and you,” he said as he bowed his head gently and shook her hand.
He signalled at the chair opposite inviting her to sit and added “I’ve ordered some wine and water for the table.”
He remained standing, unsure what to do with his hands, as she shook off her black raincoat and handed it and her umbrella to a waitress.
“Thank you,” she said to the waitress.
“I’m so sorry I’m late,” she said seating herself at the table, “The traffic’s terrible today.”
Leonard moved his neatly quartered newspaper onto the window sill and sat down after her, allowing himself a moment to take her in. She looked different to her profile – not as beautiful, but perhaps prettier. She was certainly more blond and a lot taller than he had imagined, though he had noticed the high-heeled boots as she sat down. Attractive was how he’d described her to his friends and family and he was pleased that this description held in the flesh.
“Oh, no problem, I’ve only just arrived myself,” he lied, “did you have far to come?”
“Just Amesbury way. You?”
“The Woodford Valley.”
The waitress poured their wine and put a green bottle of sparkling water on the table. She left menus and moved away.
“The Woodford Valley? That’s a beeaauutiful place,” said Fiona continuing their conversation, “Have you lived there long?”
“About six years. We bought the place when we first…,” he tailed off.
“…got married?” she offered smiling.
“Yes,” he said, “Sorry, it’s just that that story’s probably a little heavy for a first date, that’s all.”
“Oh! Of course. I understand,” she said picking up her menu and opening it, “Hey, you’ve picked a great place. There are some lovely dishes on this. I’ve always wanted to come here but never have for some reason. It was called something else before wasn’t it? Oh! What was that name again?”
Leonard had eaten here many times before but, yes, more recently, it had undergone a ‘change of management’ and consequently it had altered. The décor was now chic – black and white with heavy black beams, charred wooden pillars, and darkly-varnished floorboards contrasted with white tablecloths, magnolia walls, and brilliant lighting; all tastefully done – a modern restaurant in an old world setting. It was relaxing but, with lots of windows, not too intimate.
“Yes, before Al Cinghale’s it used to be Il Pelagone.”
“That’s it!” Fiona exclaimed, “It was on the tip of my tongue. Well remembered.”
She turned back to her menu, pulling a lock of hair into her mouth as she perused the dishes.
“Do you know what you’re going to have?” she asked
Leonard quickly considered the menu and plumped for the Lasagne.
“Lasagne? Ah! The safe choice,” she said, “Mmm, what to have? The Fettuccine Ratatouille sounds nice.”
“An equally safe choice,” said Leonard smirking and raising his glass of Orvieto Classico, “A toast. to single men everywhere…may all their dates be as beautiful as you?”
Fiona blushed a little.
“Thank you, Leonard,” she said and then quickly laughed adding, “I bet you say that to all your dates?”
“Well…actually, you’re my first in…,” he counted in his head, “over twelve years, so yes, I guess I do!”
She smiled.
“I’m the first? So there are others from the site?”
“Yes,” Leonard replied, “And you?”
“No, I’ve had a spate of dates recently – all of them a flop so I thought, you know, I would take a break. You’re my last.”
“Your last! Well, blimey, I hope I can make it a good one for you!” he said smiling.
She smiled again.
“Why this restaurant, Leonard?” she asked, “Do you like Italian food?”
“Yes, I love Italian and I think it’s pretty good here. My favourite Italian food is either a slow, baked dish or one with long pasta.”
“Really? For me it’s the long pasta, too,” said Fiona brushing her hair away from her face, her eyes sparkling, “I know it’s a little childish, but I just adore spaghetti.”
“Yes,” Leonard agreed while sipping his wine, “As long as it’s a good make; the disparity of di spaghetti is indisputable!”
She laughed.
The waitress appeared again, interrupting them, and Leonard ordered their food. He noticed the restaurant had filled up quickly. The cheerfulness of weekend shoppers had come out of the rain and into the restaurant for lunch.
“So, tell me something that wasn’t on your dating profile?” Fiona asked.
“Oooh! Now there’s a question,” he smiled, “Um…okay…I’m not twenty-seven, I’m actually twenty-eight…I had my birthday three weeks ago.”
She smiled but said nothing so he continued.
“I’m a Design Engineer in the Defence industry. I work with military aircraft at Boscombe Down. Next year I plan on running the London marathon and…,” he hesitated momentarily and then feigned a wince, “…I have a son?”
“Wow,” she said now smirking herself, “and that’s not too heavy for a first date?”
He shrugged smiling.
“I figured it would be better for you to know straight away. It’s a game changer, isn’t it?”
She pondered his question momentarily.
“No, not really,” she said, “I think when you join a dating agency, you half expect that the people you meet will have baggage of some sort…not that…I mean…I don’t think your son is baggage!” she added looking slightly aghast at her error.
He smiled and said ”Elliot turns five this year and he’s very much a part of my life. He’s a good, little boy and, I think you’ll like him.”
“Do you have joint custody?”
The question caught Leonard off-guard and for a moment he didn’t know what to say.
“…Um…mmm…sorry, er…this was the heavy stuff I was trying to avoid earlier.”
“Oh! I’m sorry, let’s change the sub…”
“No, no,” said Leonard, “you might as well know…Charlotte passed away in 2013. So it’s just Elliot and me now.”
Fiona put her hand to her mouth in shock.
“Oh! Leonard, I’m so sorry,” she said with what seemed to be genuine concern, “That must have been terrible?”
“Yes, it was…it is…but we’re managing,” he feigned a smile and changed the subject, “what about you? Tell me something that wasn’t on your dating profile.”
“Well, whilst we’re on the heavy stuff, I am 27 as per my dating profile. I’m already divorced twice – can you believe it? First guy smacked me around. I found the second guy with my next door neighbour at Christmas time. I believe things come in threes which doesn’t bode well for you,” she smiled here before continuing grimly, “what makes me really sad is that because I loved guy number one, I stayed with him for longer than perhaps I should have done and now I may not be able to have children.”
Leonard looked her in the face and briefly saw her pain. There were small tears in her eyes.
“Phew, that is heavy stuff,” he said laughing and trying to make light of it, “you win!”
She laughed with him, fighting back the tears and grateful that he had not dwelled on it.
He picked up his wine glass and held it up.
“Perhaps you need some more of this,” he said and took a sip. She too picked up her glass and took a big gulp.
“Wow…I’ve never told someone that on a first date before,” she smiled dabbing at her eyes, “I guess at least that’s the heavy stuff out of the way.”
“So, tell me, have you ever been to Italy?” Leonard asked changing the subject completely as the waitress delivered the meals to the table and topped up their wine glasses. They continued to talk as they ate.
“About six years ago. That would have been near the end of husband number one. An attempt to salvage what was left of our marriage. We took a month out to tour the country. We flew into Rome and left via Milan four weeks later having hitchhiked, trained, and bused our way through the countryside. We had plenty of money so it wasn’t something we needed to do on the cheap. Sometimes we stayed in grand hotels whilst other times we stayed with families and tried the truly local cuisine.”
“Sounds wonderful.”
“In fact,” she continued, “I had the best Italian meal I have ever had at the end of that trip. It was in Turin. For our last weekend, we stayed with a family we met at the market. They lived on the outskirts of the city…to the north. And on the Saturday night, the grandmother cooked this meal. You know I said I like spaghetti. Well, this was a simple dish of freshly made spaghetti in butter and sage with fresh Parmigiano grated over the top. It was hot and buttery and cheesy. Just absolute heeeaaaven.”
“Mmmm! Wow, you make it sound divine,” Leonard said, “I would love to try that some day.”
She smiled gently.
“I’m sure we can make that happen,” she said.
They both ate more of their lunch.
“Do you like crosswords?” Fiona said spying the newspaper sitting on the window ledge.
Leonard picked it up and looked at it.
“I’ve just started,” he said swallowing a mouthful of lasagne and smiling, “I’m trying to teach myself to do them. I’ve got some already, but I’m stuck on one.”
“Go on, give me the clue?”
“Control post without tea before meeting” Leonard read, “10 letters ending in ‘n’.”
She thought for a minute.
“Oh, that’s easy…”
“Don’t tell me!” said Leonard putting his hand up, “I want to get it myself.”
She frowned at him
“Really?”
“Yes! If I don’t get it I’ll never learn,” he said.
Fiona relaxed and smiled.
“Okay, but don’t be ringing me wanting to know what the answer is.”
He laughed
“I promise not to call you wanting to know what the answer is.”
“Good.”
He sipped some more wine.
“But I can’t promise not to call you,” he added.
She half smiled.
“I think you’re jumping the queue,” she said, “This is only the first date, you know.”
“There’s a queue?”
“Yes. You have to wait for dates two and three.”
“Well, bugger that, for me this feels like the first three dates all in one,” he smiled, “why wait?”
She laughed and didn’t answer him, instead choosing to have a mouthful of lunch.
“You wear your heart on your sleeve, don’t you?” she said eventually.
He looked at her for a moment and then blushed a little.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “It’s because I’m not really used to dating. You’re…”
“No, no, you misunderstand me, Leonard. It’s refreshing…in fact it’s downright invigorating. I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve been on and the person has just been shut off. No way in. They pretend to open up, but actually they don’t give you anything. I’ve been burned a few too many times, Leonard. This here, this is a very unusual date. With you, I know where I stand…or at least I think I do. But I guess this is the way a good date should be…perhaps. No hidden agendas. Just…look…I like you too, or what I know of you. Let’s just get through dates two and three and then perhaps you can think about calling me. Ok?”
Leonard understood completely.
“Of course,” he said sipping some more wine, “does that preclude texts?”
She laughed and raised her eyes. He laughed with her.
They both finished their lunch and the waitress cleared their plates away.
“Would you like dessert?” Leonard asked.
“No, I’ve eaten enough. That was lovely – thank you Leonard. Perhaps we can just sit and finish the wine together?”
“Mmm, good idea.”
He topped up their drinks and they chatted some more, losing track of time until eventually Leonard glanced at his watch.
“Oh! My word! Is that the time?” he said with genuine surprise, “It’s nearly three thirty! Elliot is being dropped home at four. Wow, I can’t believe where the time has gone.”
He signalled to the waitress for the bill and then looked at Fiona. Noting that she looked a little forlorn, he reached over and, for the first time, touched her hand.
“Fiona, I do wear my heart on my sleeve. What you see is what you get. I’ve had a wonderful time with you. I would be disappointed not to see you again.”
“Me too…of course,” said Fiona pulling herself together and smiling, “I’ll look forward to the next date.”
Outside the restaurant the rain continued to pour and Leonard stood under Fiona’s umbrella as best as he could trying to keep out of the rain.
“So, can I text you to arrange our next date?” he said, “I find waiting for emails painful.”
She smiled and, giving him the brolly to hold, she reached into her handbag and pulled out a pen.
“Give me your hand,” she said and she wrote her mobile number on the back of it.
“Thank you. I’ll text you tonight.”
“You’d better,” she said taking the brolly back and kissing him on the cheek. A kiss which didn’t fill him with the thrill, the apprehension, or the excitement he would have expected. Instead, a raw pang of guilt hit him, shooting up inside his body and he retracted quickly.
‘Charlotte,’ he found himself thinking, ‘forgive me.’
_____
By the time of her arrival on the 3rd October 1989, little Charlotte May Carnegie already had three siblings, and her arrival, whilst a little laboured, should have generally passed the family by. At least, this is what the parents, Mark and Judy, believed. It wasn’t through any fault of Charlotte’s, of course, that her entrance into the world should be so overlooked, just merely the fact that Mark and Judy expected their family to achieve economies of scale after three offspring and they figured one more on the pile would not make any significant difference to their family life.
How wrong they were.
From the moment she was born, little Charlotte demonstrated a stubbornness bested by only the most supreme wild ass. As she grew up, she became more tomboyish and her stubbornness became more of a determined spirit, a keen desire to achieve. At the age of six she was winning the end of term school races and by her early teens she was captain of her hockey team and also an avid cross-country runner.
She was exposed to numerous cultures and adventures as the Carnegie family moved around the world supporting Mark in his job as a top rate BioChemist. She became very at ease with different cultures and had many friends in many different countries with whom she kept in touch with on Skype. By the time she was twelve she had visited over fourteen countries in Europe, the Middle East and Africa, and her favourite would always be England.
In the summer of 2004, her father took a job at Porton Down, a government facility in Wiltshire, and the family relocated to the small village of Lower Woodford, just outside Salisbury. It was here she met Leonard Atherton whilst out jogging one day.
They began to date and seemed to get on very well.
Just before they met, Charlotte had joined the Army Cadets and, having loved the life, signed up to become an Officer in Her Majesty’s Royal Artillery two years later. She went away to Sandhurst for training, before being posted to various appointments in UK and Ireland, but all the time coming home at every opportunity. Eventually she was posted back to Salisbury Plain and months turned to seasons as Charlotte enjoyed her new life living with her family and seeing Leonard whenever she could.
Then in 2009, to Mark’s absolute joy, it was Charlotte’s turn to get married. Leonard and Charlotte Atherton moved into a sweet, little cottage in Middle Woodford, the next village on from her family home, and in 2011 Elliot Atherton was born. Everyday Leonard would come home and shout “My day is done and now I’m home” and Elliot’s face would light up. It made Charlotte smile every time.
Then, in the winter of 2012, she received some news…
_____
…My day is done and now I’m home,” Leonard shouted as he entered the house.
“Is that you? Welcome home, darling. We’re in the kitchen,” Charlotte called out to him and he heard her making aeroplane noises at Elliot.
He made his way to the kitchen door and then stood to attention and saluted.
“Reporting as ordered, Captain,” he said seeing Charlotte sitting there in her uniform.
She turned to him and smiled.
He stepped into the kitchen, ducking as he entered. The kitchen was not described as ‘small’ when they bought the house, but instead the adjective ‘cosy’ was used, and cosy it was. In the corner, the cooker was switched on with pans steaming and meat roasting. At the other end, the washing machine hummed and churned as it removed the daily grime from mainly Elliot’s clothes. And in the middle, at a small round table, Charlotte and Elliot sat; Elliot in the high chair and Charlotte giving him his dinner.
“Hello Sweets,” Leonard said moving into the kitchen and kissing her on the lips, “How was your day?”
“Good. They’ve finally had the sense to build more housing for the troops. We got the go-ahead today. The Colonel’s over the moon.”
“Ah, that’s wonderful news. At last. That must be a weight off your shoulders,” he said smiling and watching Elliot.
“Yes, you can’t imagine,” she said and then after a pause, “That’s the good news, at least.”
He looked at her.
“That sounds ominous.”
“Yes, they’re um…they’re posting the Regiment to Afghanistan.”
Leonard’s face went pale.
“Really?”
She looked at him.
“We’re just in a support role, you understand. The Colonel says they need good men out there to help wrap it all up. He says it’s a three month tour, but it should be light.”
“What does he mean by light?”
“I guess he means that I shouldn’t see any military action. It’s finishing over there, Leonard. The UK is pulling out.”
“So when do you have to go?”
Elliot had started to make noises and she turned her attention back to him and started spooning the pureed vegetables into his mouth again.
“Next spring. Beginning of April sometime.”
Leonard’s stomach was in knots but he tried to remain strong.
“Well, we knew it might happen, I guess,” he said, “It’s what you joined the army for, right? Look at Greg Davies and Ginny Hall, they’ve both done two tours. I guess we’re lucky your’s came at the end,” he paused for a moment, “How do you feel about it?”
He knew the answer. It was why she had joined the army and many of her fellow officers and soldiers were still out there. She would want to do her bit and he knew he couldn’t show any weakness, for her sake as much as his.
“Well, I’m not going to enjoy being away from both of you for three months, but I’ll do what I have to do and, you’ll see, the three months will go by in a flash. Anyway, it’s an age away yet. We don’t have to worry about it at the moment.”
But Charlotte could not have been more wrong.
The following six months flew by so fast that Leonard just had to blink and they were gone. The tour in Afghanistan had been quickly confirmed with the official leaving date of the 8th April. From then on, everything was tainted and events such as Christmas had an undertone that Leonard simply hated. Inside him, the fear grew like the onset of night and it became harder and harder for him to stay strong. Thoughts of what could happen to Charlotte filled his mind and towards the end of the six months, the nightmares began. He loved Charlotte so much that over the years she had become a part of his identity. He had no idea how he would manage to survive without her but he also realised that such thoughts were foolish. He decided he would not allow himself the time to think about it and made sure he kept himself busy. He stayed strong and positive for her and Elliot the entire six months.
Almost.
The Saturday before Charlotte was due to leave on the Monday, Elliot went off to his grandparents for the evening and Charlotte and Leonard had a romantic dinner at home. He cooked her Cumberland sausage and mash with onion gravy and they drank a bottle of red wine together. As the evening progressed the conversation turned to the pending tour and Charlotte was giving him an update.
“…so I should be able to Skype you about once a month and, of course, we also have email…”
“Don’t go,” said Leonard all of a sudden, shocking himself more than he shocked her.
She stopped in her tracks.
“Pardon?”
“Don’t go”
“What do you mean ‘don’t go’. I can’t just not go, Leonard. I’m the Battery Captain.”
“Yes, you can. Just don’t go. It’s not worth the risk. It’s your life, Char. We’ll just go away. Disappear. The three of us.”
“Leonard, you’re talking madness. I’ve got to go.”
“But you don’t, Charlotte. What if something happens? It’s a place of war…It’s no place for a mother.”
Charlotte went pale as he spoke her fears and Leonard knew he had crossed a line. Not just with Charlotte, but also in himself. The months of fear growing inside of him had reached its capacity and he could not hold it back any more. He knew what he was doing was wrong but he also knew she was very stubborn and that he would need to be persistent to change her mind.
“Leonard, I think you’ve had too much to drink, darling, we’d better go to bed.”
“No, I’m fine. Charlotte, listen to me. If you don’t go, they will come looking for you, but that won’t be until late Monday, maybe even Tuesday before they realise something is up. If we disappear now, we could be miles away before they even begin.”
“Have you heard yourself, Leonard? You want me to go AWoL. Do you really think that’s going to work…?”
“Yes, surely it’s better then the alternative.”
“What alternative, Leonard?” said Charlotte angrily.
“The alternative that I’ve had nightmares about ever since you first told me. For god’s sake, it’s a war over there, Charlotte. The fact that the UK are moving out doesn’t change the hostility. In fact it makes it more hostile.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying this. You’ve had six months to raise any objections and you choose the night before I go to start,” her voice began to rise.
“But you’re not listening to me, my sweets; we could disappear tonight and be in Europe by tomorrow. I’ve got some money to help us get set up. There’s no need for…”
“Leonard, stop this now!”
“But Charlotte, I love you. I don’t want…”
“No! I won’t hear it. I’m leaving on Monday and that is that.”
He pressed on, getting to his feet and going to her. His voice rising as well.
“Don’t you see you don’t have to go? I’m offering you a way out for our family…”
“Leonard, I have a job to do which I’m going to go and do…now if you keep this up I’m leaving.”
“But I don’t want you to die,” he said tears in his eyes.
“What are you talking about? Die?! Who said anything about dying?”
“But you will, I know it. It’s not worth it. You can stay here with us…”
He saw tears appear in her eyes too. He knew he was getting through to her and he put his hands on her face.
“My sweets, let me go and pack our bags. I’ll…”
She pushed him back, her face twisted with rage, but her voice measured.
“This is unbelievable. I needed your support on this Leonard. You think I’m not terrified of going out there. You think I don’t know what could happen. But my brothers, my comrades are out there fighting for this country and it is my job to do the same. I thought you understood this. I expected you to be responsible. But here you are filling my head with this foolishness which serves no purpose but to undermine my conviction that everything will be ok. And right before I leave. It is unforgivable, Leonard. Unforgivable! I can’t believe how disappointed I am in you!” and with that she left the room.
At first, Leonard did not realise the severity of his actions. It was only when he heard the car engine start that he realised she was leaving the house. Running from the dining room, he chased after her, shouting her name, but by the time he reached the front of the house he just saw the taillights of their Saab estate disappearing round the bend.
He was too late. She had gone.
The next day, Leonard started the day with a pang of guilt. He knew what he had said was ludicrous and not fair and he hoped that Charlotte would perhaps see why he had done it. He went and picked up Elliot from Charlotte’s parents house, expecting her to be there, but she wasn’t. Apparently, Charlotte had stayed the night with them and had disappeared off early that morning after saying her goodbyes. He could tell by the look in Mark and Judy’s eyes that they knew something had upset her. They asked him what had happened, but in his shame, he could not bring himself to tell them what he had done. In fact, he had decided he would never tell anyone how appallingly he had behaved on that night and he hoped in his heart that Charlotte would forgive him.
Sunday came and went and he heard nothing from Charlotte. He tried to call her office and speak to her colleagues, but none of them had seen her. On the Monday, he desperately tried to get on to the base to see her, but without success and her flight time came and went; he knew she must have left.
_____
The fear of what might happen to Charlotte was augmented by the added guilt he now felt and over the following months his emails to her became more and more desperate, searching for her forgiveness. The culpability ate him up inside and he longed for a reaction from her; a trial, a judgement, a sentence, anything to stay this persecution, but she never contacted him except for some matter-of-fact emails that said she was ok and asking for photos of Elliot. He would read those emails over and over, hating their cold, emotionless sentiment, feeling the intended brutality within them. The only thing that kept him going was that he knew she would be coming home soon.
One Sunday afternoon, he was eating roast chicken at the dining room table with his parents and Elliot, when he saw the black Mercedes pull up outside. He guessed immediately the reason why, as two military officers exited the car in their number one uniforms, and he went for the front door.
“Hello, Leonard, This is my colleague, Captain Doug Mullaghan.” said Major Peter Adams, an officer Leonard had met many times before at various military functions, “may we come in?”
“yes, of course, can I ask what this is about?” Leonard said.
“Let’s talk inside.”
He showed them into their cosy lounge and sat down.
The Major spoke quietly, gently, but measured and clear.
“I’m afraid we bring you bad news, Leonard. I’m very sorry to tell you that Charlotte was killed in action in Afghanistan.”
And in that moment, Leonard simply stopped living. The tears streamed down his face and the silent cries leapt from his mouth and he slid onto the floor clutching his waist. The pain of the guilt, the bitter words they had spoken, the realisation that his fears had come true, was all just too much. He melted in front of them like plastic in a fire and to this day he has no recollection of what else they said or how long they were there. The only person capable of getting through to Leonard, in those first few moments of learning about Charlotte’s death, was, of course, Elliot.
“Daddy?” was the only word he had to say and Leonard snapped back to reality. He knew that he had a responsibility to his son and he pulled himself together, on the outside at least.
His parents took Elliot for a week to give him some space. Friends dropped by regularly for support and in time he learned that Charlotte’s plane had crashed – twenty soldiers had lost their lives that day including Charlotte’s Colonel.
He felt abandoned and alone.
Lost in the darkest moment of his life.
Isolated in his pain.
Unable to see how, or even if, he would ever make it back.
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